Improvidence

Now, I can never be apart from this,

I am the beating hammer to a gripped tongs,

with which this gate is shaped into a shield, a mirror,

gone. Smashed like the surface of a pool broken by a thrown

stone, a way to pass into

oneself, an attitude behind the smile, a taste

in the mouth, the thoughtless breath, the forgotten

moment. I am that. I am in between

each thought, I light the eyes, I glint

on the blade, I shuffle under

skin, into consciousness that this is

passing, that each unique moment’s

movement is, in an instant,

gone. I am time, running

backwards, the cold candle

reforming itself from the melting

heat, the flown effect

creating the spiderweb of cause.

Although I have never been more completely

alone, this bright awareness still

reverberates in every cell. And I am

grateful that I no longer

belong to myself. It is another’s

height, breadth, and breath

that has become the measure of me and I, like

Neurath’s ship, am in all substance changed.

This has inevitably been my

undoing, and I run to burn

out the indivisible light, to make

space for this great blow that has my

circulation leaching with every pulse.

I watch myself as a stranger,

surprised by this choice,

this, the way of compassion

ignited by shuddering joy and burning

loss. There is no place

for this, it is love

orchestrating me, and I

can howl at its emptiness or marvel

as its realisation dawns on me.

2014-11-03 08.14.29

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About Gamanrad

Therapeutic practitioner working on realisation as response to the ecological emergency (and all else besides).
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