To be free of this nagging sense of fear, or anxiety, or dissatisfaction, or loneliness, is not to relegate everything to the realm of illusion: if I’m real, so are things around me. It is not to refuse to relate to the world: I still have to respond if there is a need for me to do so, to the world around me. It is not to pretend that we are the ultimate creators of this experience: that kind of arrogance drowned King Canute. Nor is it to pretend that the world is somehow entirely benevolent, because we believe in a benevolent creator: that’s just asking for trouble. So it must be something that links but somehow overreaches these responses.
So I say to myself that I can with just enough effort, and just enough surrender, taking myself into awareness of what is happening just now and that this kind of awareness becomes as habitual as the worries and nagging fears that have previously consumed me (but also as the desires and loves). I can see just what is here, and see too how such disparate events as previous experiences and the weather have brought it all to this, and thus disengage from the first, knowing that the disengagement is no more than the accumulation of previous experiences and activities, so take no ownership or pride in this activity but nevertheless realise that it allows the possibility of altering direction. And disengage from the second, knowing that there is much that happens to be as a matter of contextual idiosyncracy, and I cannot do much about the rain. Except, perhaps, plan to buy a good raincoat.